So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
