I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
