I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
