if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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