Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
