Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
