We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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