just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
