Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
