I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
