he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize