No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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