I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
