The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I could fuck to npr.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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