508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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