YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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