my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
