You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
