No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize