Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
