It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
