Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
