New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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