There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
