Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
