so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
