i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
