Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
