On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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