and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
