Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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