I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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