my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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