sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
