I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Girls should come with a carfax report
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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