She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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