it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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