I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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