shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She said her name was "party"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Randomize
