Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
