I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
