his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
