Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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