So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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