is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Duck Duck Cougar?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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