It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
