i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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