It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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