the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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