When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Less talking, more tequila
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize