Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
