Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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