Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
