Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
