hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
