I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
