I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
