the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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