then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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