Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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