He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
