"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize