I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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