Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
