She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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