So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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