Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
