no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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