Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
