I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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