I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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