I just cut my nipple shaving
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
