theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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