My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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