He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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