Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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