you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
