Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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