Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
