I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
