dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
