i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
