I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
