I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh god the rape fog is back!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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