using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
