mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
