my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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