would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
