My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
