At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
