What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
this is an emotional support booty call
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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