Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
