It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
