is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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