Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
only you would photoshop your dick
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
