Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize