You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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