Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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