bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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