i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
