Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
