worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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