Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
