so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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