tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize