I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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